{"content":{"sharePage":{"page":0,"digests":[{"id":"18760281","dateCreated":"1263223360","smartDate":"Jan 11, 2010","userCreated":{"username":"elszymczak","url":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/view\/elszymczak","imageUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikispaces.com\/user\/pic\/1253575789\/elszymczak-lg.jpg"},"monitored":false,"locked":false,"links":{"self":"https:\/\/gmercier.wikispaces.com\/share\/view\/18760281"},"dateDigested":1532389547,"startDate":null,"sharedType":"discussion","title":"Indy Comments","description":"Get rid of the &quot;you&quot; and focus a little more on yourself.  Why should I believe you?  You need to incorporate your credibility (ethos) more.  <br \/>\n<br \/>\nAs far as writing, you need to vary your sentence structure more; don't start every sentence with &quot;it's.&quot;  Additionally, add more details, like a personal story or experience.  <br \/>\n<br \/>\nFor the project part:<br \/>\nI like how you used the idea of &quot;defining&quot; individuality as your driving force.  In the speech, don't read from your paper - use eye contact!  Keep some of your suggestions more school appropriate and again, add YOUR personal elements\/stories so we can relate more to what you are saying.","replyPages":[{"page":0,"digests":[],"more":0}]}],"more":false},"comments":[]},"http":{"code":200,"status":"OK"},"redirectUrl":null,"javascript":null,"notices":{"warning":[],"error":[],"info":[],"success":[]}}